


(art)ificial

by justanothernobody



Category: K-pop, NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Romance, Angst and Tragedy, Character Death, Crying, Death, Heavy Angst, I Made Myself Cry, M/M, Not Happy, Other, Past Character Death, Romance, Sad, So much dying, Tragic Romance, a lil too much but, depends on how u see it, i also made everyone cry, im sorry, like a lot, or it could be happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:02:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21916450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanothernobody/pseuds/justanothernobody
Summary: ar / ti / fi / cial • (of a situation or concept) not existing naturally; contrived or false.there will always be some things out of jeno’s reach.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, slight dojae - Relationship
Comments: 1
Kudos: 28





	(art)ificial

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by a video on ig https://www.instagram.com/p/B5d_lhGjQVy/?igshid=dgj7ceibuc8x the title doesn’t rly have much to do with the story but it sounded nice lmao. this is my first nomin story on ao3 so comments and inputs are highly appreciated hehehe. enjoy!

** _-4_ **

jeno had discovered his  ability when he was almost 9. 

it had been after classes ended and everyone was rushing down the stairs to get out of school. the bell had rung just ten minutes ago, yet the hallways were already empty of students. jeno had been walking with mark, chatting idly along the way. 

then, there was the boy jeno still remembers to this day. zhong chenle was his name — a chinese student younger than him by a year. he had an adopted older brother that went to the school there too, huang renjun. his parents enrolled the two boys to school in south korea due to opening the first branch of the zhong family business there. 

that day, jeno saw renjun wait at the bottom of the stairs for his  _dìdì_ , hands tucked into the pockets of his dark blue hoodie. he took a hand out to wave at chenle, a smile plastered on his face. chenle had waved back at him, grinning. 

then, it happened. 

jeno was close enough to chenle in order to see it. the soft glow of a timer counting down appeared on his nape. it started at exactly 13 seconds. 

“renjun- _ gē _ !”

chenle had rushed down from the top of stairs. he ran down with a smile on his face, ready to greet his  _gēgē_ waiting below for him. he had stumbled on the staircase at the 8 second mark. he tumbled down and ended up an unconscious heap on the floor. 

jeno still remembers the day it had happened. march 23, 2009 — renjun’s birthday. chenle’s right hand was holding onto a small paper bag containing a gift inside — a book his  _gēgē_ mentioned in passing he wanted to get and a bottle of his favourite jasmine tea, renjun had said during the funeral. when renjun had screamed for help and tended to his brother, jeno saw the timer at 2 seconds. 

and then 1 second. 

then 0 seconds.

chenle was gone by then, unable to be saved. nearby teachers had called for an ambulance but it had been too late to save him. renjun sobbed as medics helped chenle’s limp body up onto a stretcher and into the ambulance. 

he recalls the whole elementary school going into shock and mourning. he remembers how renjun bursted into tears every time he stared too long at chenle’s smile on the framed photograph in front of his casket. and in the weeks following the tragic event, renjun had moved back to shanghai and enrolled into another school there.

now, jeno can only remember zhong chenle as a turning point in his life. 

_** -3 ** _

it had happened again two years later. 

at that point, jeno had pushed back all the memories of seeing the timer to the back of his mind, shoving it into the darkest crevices of his brain to make sure it will never see the light of day anymore. 

except he had never prepared himself to witness it again. 

this time, it had occurred during a summer trip to jeju. the sun had been bright, tanning his skin a shade darker. lots of families came there that time around, so the beach had been crowded. yet jeno didn’t mind it — if anything, he had actually liked the crowd. the amount of people there had made the place gleam with life. 

“mom’s gonna go get us more sunscreen, okay jeno?”

he nodded in response, obediently waiting on the beach mat his dad had lain out. coincidentally, the boy beside him seemed to be left alone too. he had greeted jeno with, “so, did your parents leave you here too?”

jeno snorted. “they’re just buying some supplies. not ‘leaving me’, idiot.”

it had drawn a smile from the boy. as he scooted closer to jeno, his grin had widened. 

“i’m donghyuck,” he said, hand outstretched. he shook his hands while replying, “jeno.”

“say... what do you think about going against orders, jeno?”

jeno had pretended to think over it, humming deep in thought for an added effect. “it depends.”

donghyuck’s smile in response had been wide and bright — almost outshining the sun. he stood up and stretched a hand towards him.

“let’s go play with the waves, jen.”

and so they went to the waters, feet running across the sand and headfirst into the waves. the line where saltwater had met dry land was too crowded, uncomfortably so. jeno and donghyuck had opted to go a bit further out. 

but that was when their fun turned into a disaster. 

donghyuck trudged forward, eyes gleaming with mischief yas he looked back at jeno. “catch me!” he said, taking off and swimming further away. jeno had laughed when the other boy sprayed saltwater to his face along the way, giggling as he placed his hands in front of his face to avoid the attack. he too had walked faster to catch donghyuck, ignoring the sound of a whistle blown by the lifeguard.

jeno had been laughing when he caught a glimpse of it. the timer. 17 seconds had showed up right when a huge wave came over them. it had pushed both the boys back to the beach. jeno felt rough sand scrape across his back. the burn of it had stung, and jeno groaned out in pain when he tried to sit back upright.

the second time he opened eyes, everyone was crowding over him, breathing a sigh of relief after seeing jeno was okay. his mom had rushed over to his side immediately, quickly hugging her son and endlessly thanking the gods for having mercy on jeno. 

as soon as relief flooded jeno, it left him. “donghyuck,” he had whispered in panic. 

jeno looked over to the side and saw donghyuck. people were crowding him too, the lifeguard performing cpr on donghyuck. yet even after numerous chest presses, he was still unconscious. 119 had been called, but jeno could tell it was too late for donghyuck then. 

he would later hear through the local news channel that donghyuck had died on the spot due to drowning when the waves crashed over them. memories of donghyuck too, were pushed to the back of jeno’s mind. 

_** -2 ** _

when jeno was fifteen, the incident happened again.

jeno was walking back home with his friend, jaemin — a boy who had just transferred to school in seoul. 

they had passed by the soccer field on their way, briefly waving to jisung, jaemin’s childhood best friend and neighbour. the coach had coincidentally timed their break so jisung had approached them. the field and the pathway was separated only by a netting, so jeno and jaemin walked aside towards jisung. 

“jaemin-hyung, jeno-hyung, hi!”

the younger boy had smiled at them. his hair was soaked with sweat and so was his jersey. jisung wiped the sweat off of his face with the neckline of his clothes. 

“yah, jisung-ah. mom says you’re having dinner with me tonight. apparently your mom has to stay late for a meeting tonight,” jaemin mentioned.

jisung nodded at him. “your mom’s always liked me more than you anyways,” he said, sticking his tongue out. 

jaemin clucked his tongue in response, faux annoyance plastered on his features. jeno laughed at the two’s antics.

then he saw it. 

he glances at jisung’s neck, just above his jersey. a timer was there on his sweaty skin. it read 2 minutes and 38 seconds. 

jeno’s eyes widen in shock. out of instinct he reached for jaemin’s arm. jaemin turned to him, questioning him with his gaze. there’s the same fear in jeno’s eyes — the one he had when he saw the timer show up on chenle and donghyuck. except this time, jaemin’s eyes drift to jisung. 

in that moment, jaemin seemed to understand what jeno had meant. 

“jeno-hyung? are you okay? you look kinda pale,” jisung said. funny, jeno thought, that jisung was the one about to go and yet he was the one asking jeno how he felt. 

“jeno’s fine, jisungie,” jaemin responded for him. jisung had been concerned, but not for long as his soccer coach called for all the players back when their break had finished. 

“be careful, jisung-ah,” jaemin said, tone soft and careful. jisung had only tilted his head in confusion before bidding the two goodbye and going back to his position at the goalpost. 

“he doesn’t have much time left,” jeno whispered. he already had a vice grip at jaemin’s arm, and jeno felt the other boy cover his hand for reassurance. 

“jisung knows how to be careful,” jaemin replied. but they both had known what would happen soon. jisung would die even if they tried to stop it.

and it had proven to be true — one misaimed kick from a player as they practiced goal-shooting had jisung down. everyone ran towards him, calling out jisung’s name in vain. 

the gash on his leg had bled out at an alarming rate. some teammates carried the boy to the nurse’s office. they passed by jaemin and jeno along the way. 

at that moment, jeno saw the timer go to zero. 

“jisung had haemophilia,” jaemin later explained in the hospital. they had been there until eleven p.m., waiting for jisung’s parents to come. “during our childhood jisungie was in the hospital often. that’s why he was homeschooled until middle school.”

not far from them, mr and mrs park were talking to the doctors. mrs park was sobbing by then, and jeno could tell that jisung was dead seeing her reaction — as if seeing the timer run out of seconds didn’t confirm his passing. jaemin looked down at his feet. he was quiet the whole time, talking only when prompted by jeno. 

“i just didn’t think he would’ve passed this soon.” jaemin said. “he always had accidents like these. jisung always made it through every time. except this one.”

jeno wrapped an arm around jaemin’s shoulder, hoping to comfort his loss somewhat. jaemin relaxed under his hold, leaning into jeno as he sighed softly, tiredly.

“how do you handle it?” jeno asked jaemin later on. it was during class, a week after jisung had passed away. jeno didn’t think jaemin would be this unaffected — after all, jisung was like a younger brother to both of them, especially to jaemin. the two had grown up together, and he always had an obvious soft spot for the younger boy. he thought jaemin would’ve mourned for longer, would’ve thrown a fit fuelled by sadness and disbelief and denial of jisung’s death having happened. 

“how do i handle what?” jaemin asked back. 

“how do you handle knowing he would die and you can’t stop it?”

jaemin turned to look at him. there’s pain on his usually cheerful face. he had been mourning like everyone else, maybe even more. jeno had wondered how even sadness couldn’t make jaemin look any less beautiful. 

“there will always be some things out of our reach, jen,” jaemin replied, thoughtful. “i — no,  _we_ — may know when he’d die, but his fate isn’t ours to decide. all we can do is make the most of his time when he was still alive.”

jeno hadn’t understood then — and will never understand to this day — but jaemin had laughed in response to his puzzled expression. 

“jisung made us happy when he was alive right? i think he would’ve wanted that to be what we remember of him. i’ve come to terms with that fact.”

when jeno just stared at him in confusion, jaemin gave him a smile. 

“he always said i should start searching for my own happiness. and to shoot my shot with you.” it baffled jeno to no end. and this time it was jaemin who stared at him, grin on his face. 

“what do you say, jeno-yah?”

when jeno regained his senses back he replied, “yeah. i like you too, nana.”

jaemin chuckled afterwards, hand covering jeno’s on top of the wooden desk. 

they held hands for the rest of that school day, and after that too, as they passed the place jisung had breathed last at. 

jisung’s death doesn’t feel like a burden, unlike how chenle’s and donghyuck’s had been. 

_**-1** _

it wasn’t long before jeno saw another death. just one year had gone by since jisung, one year since he had got together with jaemin. 

truthfully, everyone in his friend group had been expecting them to get together back then. taeyong and their hyungs had even made bets on when they’d get together. 

it had been won by none other than doyoung-hyung. 

“that’s right. now, pay up!”

everyone had simultaneously groaned, handing 5 dollars each into doyoung’s outstretched palm. he even made his boyfriend, jaehyun, pay. in total, doyoung had received 40 dollars and promised to treat both jeno and jaemin to lunch the following day. 

fast forward to the last day of school before their winter break. jaehyun-hyung had planned a small christmas party that night, so jaemin and jeno would go home with him to help prepare. 

as the hours ticked by, the three had finished up most of the preparations. decorations had been put up, snacks have been made, and all that was left was waiting for the guests. 

half an hour before the promised time, jaehyun’s phone rang. jaehyun picked it up — it was doyoung. 

“doie?”

jeno faintly hears a cough from the other end of the call. he and jaemin scooted closer to hear their exchange. 

“jaehyun-ah, i think i can’t come,” doyoung said. it was followed by a fit of coughs, each one sounding worse than the one before. 

“doyoung-hyung, are you okay?” jeno asked before he could stop himself. jaemin smacked his arm when jaehyun turned to them, noticing their presence. he put the call on speakerphone, and jeno repeated his previous question. 

“hyung’s fine, jeno. really,” doyoung had insisted. jeno was still worried, however, and promised doyoung to visit him the next day. 

“no! you don’t have to, jeno. no need to,” doyoung had replied, sounding a bit frantic. jeno had reluctantly agreed to satisfy him. 

when the call had ended, jaemin spoke up, “we’ll visit him on monday. maybe he’ll feel better by then.”

but by monday, when they had went to doyoung’s house, doyoung wasn’t home. he wasn’t picking up his phone either, so the three had resorted to calling his mother. 

“doyoung didn’t tell you? he was in the er all weekend.”

it was jaehyun who had stepped on the gas pedal of his car as far deep as he could without going over the speed limit. they arrived to the hospital in record time and had rushed to doyoung’s room. 

“doyoung has leukemia,” his mother told them when the three had calmed down after running across the halls. “that night, he was coughing up blood.”

as they sat on the cold waiting room chairs, it was obvious jaehyun was most affected. he slumped tiredly against the wall. “i didn’t think it would worsen so soon.”

and jaehyun was right. in the span of just three weeks, doyoung looked nothing like how he had prior — cheeks sunken in, skin paper white, dark bags under his eyes. all signs of life weren’t there, except for the slow rise and fall of doyoung’s chest as he breathed. 

“how long does he have left?”

“only two months. two months with full help of these machines.”

except doyoung doesn’t even make it past that point. ever since that night, doyoung hadn’t even opened his eyes, so it was miraculous that he was even still breathing. just one month and a half had passed before the doctor deemed doyoung was only alive due to the machines hooked up to his weak body.

he was essentially on life support, and on that day not even life support could keep him alive. 

it was saddening when jaemin quietly pointed out to jeno the timer that appeared on doyoung’s pale hand. it was set at 52 seconds. as they exited the room to avoid seeing the tubes pulled out of doyoung, jeno saw the timer only had 41 seconds left. and jaehyun had cried soon after when the doctor came out to tell the family that doyoung had passed away on that quiet wednesday morning. 

at the funeral home, jeno remembered gripping the edge of doyoung’s smooth white casket. his face looked peaceful, eyes closed, hands clasped on his chest. the shoes doyoung wore were the ones from jeno, and somehow that minuscule fact had brought tears to his eyes. everyone who attended took turns in dripping three bottles of perfumed water. jaehyun-hyung had been the one to cover the casket with a thin veil before it had been shut closed. 

and on the following day, when doyoung was to be buried, mrs kim had pulled jeno, jaemin, and jaehyun close as she struggled to hold back her sobs. she failed to do so, however, and it made all three of them cry in her arms too. 

he found comfort too in the warm hug jaemin pulled him into. as he wiped tears from his cheeks, jaemin said, “you’ll always have my shoulder when you cry, jen.”

in aftermath, jeno hid all the sad memories of doyoung in the dark, and he held all the good ones close to his heart. jeno would remember his beloved doyoung-hyung in the best way possible, nothing bad, nothing upsetting — fond memories only. 

**_0_**

this time, it happens when jeno’s 19. 

jeno had been out all day with jaemin. both their parents were going out of town. they had allowed the two to stay with the lees for the weekend.

they’re on their way home when it happens. he sees the timer on jaemin’s hand shine menacingly. 3 minutes and 47 seconds. the longest time he’s seen written on that timer.

and maybe, just  _maybe_ , 3 minutes and 47 seconds is enough for jeno to try change the inevitable. 

but lee jeno is realistic. he doesn’t hope because hoping is too fake, too much to put at stake. except when it comes to na jaemin, jeno wants to want for more. 

na jaemin makes him want to go against all that he’s known. 

when jaemin crosses that road right when jeno sees the damned timer tick down, he shouts, “jaemin, wait!”

jaemin turns to him, eyes expectant. jeno stops breathing just for a bit as they stare. the city sounds get hazy as jaemin asks him, “what?” he walks up to jaemin and grasps both his hands in his trembling ones. 

jeno opens his mouth except he’s speechless right now. jeno’s whole form is shaking and jaemin just holds his hands even tighter. especially when he notices the timer on jaemin’s hand glint 1 minute and 29 seconds, as if reminding him that there’s not much time he has left. 

he seems to understand why jeno’s like this as he looks onto his left hand. jaemin futilely covers the timer by turning his hand. 

jeno knows their time is running out. but the moment they’re in right now shows otherwise — the empty streets are silent, save for their soft breathing. the streetlights gleam over them and jaemin looks so, so,  _so_ soft and beautiful under it and jeno wants him to still be with him so, so,  _so_ much. 

“it’s alright,” jaemin hushes him. “i’m not hurt. i’m okay.  _we’re_ okay, jeno-yah, and we’ll always be okay.”

jeno hugs him tight, embraces him with so much vigour and pent-up emotions. his face tucks perfectly on the crook of jaemin’s neck and jeno breathes him in. jaemin rubs his back soothingly and hugs him back just as tight. 

“d-don’t leave me, please,” he whispers, he  _begs_. jaemin pulls back to look at him. he cups jeno’s face and stays silent for several moments. his lips quiver as jaemin’s thumbs come up to wipe at the tears jeno didn’t realise had fallen. 

“life and death isn’t for me to decide,” jaemin starts, cutting through the tense silence that had blanketed over them. he looks at him with an intensity that brings another wave of emotions over jeno. his heart burns with longing and affection, jeno brings his hands up to cover jaemin’s. 

“but even so, i’ll always be with you no matter what. nothing can separate us, jeno-yah. remember that, okay?”

jeno nods, still looking his lover straight in the eye. jaemin gives his signature grin as he removes his hands. jeno doesn’t let go of him though. instead, he laces all ten of their fingers together. 

_**+1** _

“we’ll meet again,” jaemin says. he kisses jeno briefly and pulls away. 

a burning sensation stamps itself onto his wrist. jeno lifts it up to find the very timer he’s seen on different people his entire life. it glows faintly against the pale skin of his inner wrist, its numbers counting from five seconds down. 

_...5_

he turns to see a car speeding up towards them. everything around him slows down and all jeno sees is the glowing headlights of the car headed right to him and jaemin. funnily enough, jeno feels a sense of deja vu as the car knocks him down. 

_...4_

jeno falls and hits the hard concrete. the screech of tires is painfully loud in his ears. his head is pounding like crazy, and when he lifts a hand to touch it it’s moist with blood. he presses down on the gash to try stop the bleeding but it just hurts too much. 

_...3_

beside him, jaemin’s body is already lying limp and horrifyingly pale. blood quickly soaks through his clothes and pools on the grey road under them. his eyes are unfocused and glassy. when jeno reaches over to touch him his skin is growing icy cold by the second.

“jeno-yah,” jaemin says, voice hushed and faint jeno could’ve missed it. 

“jaemin-ah?” 

_...2_

“let’s meet again on the other side,” jaemin continues. his voice is trembling and soft and weak. his eyes turn cloudy as teardrops escape his eyes to flow gently onto his cheeks and fall down to pool with the blood on the concrete. 

jaemin gives jeno’s hand one final squeeze. he’s smiling through the immense pain as he says, “thank you for living with me in this life. let’s spend our next lives together too.”

_...1_

and with that, jaemin’s body stops fighting against the inevitable. he stops trembling, stops breathing, stops _living_ . jeno watches him with tears in his eyes too, his cold hand grasping jaemin’s ever tighter. 

“let’s meet again on the other side,” jeno repeats. “i love you,” he says, using up the last bit of energy he has. then, jeno closes his eyes and drifts off, following jaemin into the unknown.

_...0_

**Author's Note:**

> im genuinely sorry i literally killed all of dream except renjun and mark 
> 
> hit me up on twt @thirstvxq


End file.
